Jackie raises her hand and asks if she could say something. I’m the coach of my daughter’s middle school basketball team and this year has been somewhat challenging. It’s the first time most of the girls have experienced “real” competition. Jackie in particular has had trouble adjusting. She has questioned my coaching, cooperated indifferently at practices, and generally displayed the sort of behaviour that should have gotten her kicked off the team.
But I can’t kick her off. We are a fledgling church team with barely enough players to make us competitive. And we are sponsored by the church. My mission is to not only compete but help develop these young people as people. Sometimes at the expense of winning.
This does not come naturally to me and I have to dial down my competitive instincts to enable me to see the bigger picture. Mind you, I am ultimately committed to building a competitive, winning program. I believe such a goal can co-exist with developing character and this is my first year to begin to prove that assumption right…or wrong.
So here we are, a few minutes before a game, and who knows what’s going to come out of Jackie’s mouth. But I’m relaxed; I sense she has something good to say.
“Sure, Jackie, what would you like to say.”
She shuffles from foot to foot and looks around at her teammates. “I just want to say that I know I’ve been hard to get along with and I’m sorry for my bad attitude and I’d like to ask you guys to forgive me.” She doesn’t mumble it as if she had been coached into saying it; she doesn’t rush through it like some unpleasant duty. She just says it: cleanly, sweetly, in measured tones.
I’m stunned. I expected good but not life-changing. There is a pause while we all try to reckon with what we just heard. This kind of confession is hard for anyone, but the internal hurdles a 12-year old girl who feels like an outsider has to overcome to speak this uncoerced confession are daunting.
“Thank you, Jackie,” I say, “thank you very much.” Several girls give her a hug and words of encouragement. I don’t know if we will win this game and frankly I don’t care. This season has already been worth it.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
This a good story, Robert. Something I imagine reading in Reader's Digest (that's not an insult).
ReplyDeleteI know you are looking for input on the writing, not the content, but I can't resist just one:
You present the ideas of "competing" and "developing young people as people" as though they are mutually exclusive. I think it's just the opposite. In a team sport, character is developed as the individual submits her personal desires for the good of the team. It's working toward a common goal, winning, that tests and refines each athlete's character.
Not that winning a basketball game is in itself all that important. The by-products of humilty and grace and selflessness is what really matters, but those can't be attained without the intermediate goal of winning games. Take away that intermediate goal and you lose the chance to really gain the primary.
That's why I'm not interested in "everybody gets a trophy," "everybody plays equal time" and "everybody's a winner" athletics anymore.
Still, this really is a heart-warming story. "Jackie" demonstrates the kind of character that all of us want to see developed in our kids. It's pretty clear in this story that this humility resulted despite your tolerating her behavior, which is good. You wouldn't want it to seem as though tolerating selfish behavior and "giving her a chance" resulted in her change of heart. Right?
In terms of the writing, you have an excellent grasp of pace and structure. Great set-up, tight pace, and satisfying conclusion.
ReplyDeleteI like "cooperated indifferently at practice," but I'd like something more concrete than "generally displayed the sort of behavior..." I understand your reluctance since this is a factual story with names changed. But in terms of story-telling, you didn't give me enough to understand why she might have been cut from the team.
One more. This sentence is a bit over-wrought: "This kind of confession is hard for anyone, but the internal hurdles a 12-year old girl who smarts under the sense of outsider-ness has to overcome to speak this uncoerced confession boggles my mind."
Her "outsider-ness" should have been indicated earlier. But the sentence itself is a bit convoluted. And "boggles the mind" borders on cliche.
Daddy,
ReplyDeleteFianlly more posts! :)
I really enjoyed reading your essays - keep them coming!
I especially liked your comments in "Glory". What a great outlook to take; instead of viewing your 'glory days' as a thing of the past, seeing them as a future to look forward to.
I am no literary expert by any means, but I have to agree with Brian's comment on that sentance in "Jackie". It needed some punctuation in there somewhere so the reader can take a breath...would that be a run-on sentance?
Anyway, I really enjoyed them! So all-in-all, Bravo!!
Love you,
Isabella
Well, at least your daughter and I love you enough to read your stuff!
ReplyDeleteI second everything Brian said. Also, I like terse titles that create intrigue.
ReplyDelete